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Harlem
BY LANGSTON HUGHES

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore—
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
like a syrupy sweet?
Or crust and sugar over—

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

When I read this poem in school I understood it as a history lesson connected to a time when literature, art, social justice and black community was sharply connected to the trauma it was born from—the Harlem Renaissance.

Now, this has a different meaning to my grown woman intuition. As I reread “what happens to a dream deferred” it asks of me, what of your dreams Amanda? What happens when you don’t take the first step? He makes me question my own stability to make my dreams come true. I always say, what’s on the other side of fear—what happens to the steps you don’t take because you are afraid; but of what?

Langston paints a crossroad for me. The space where my dreams don’t come true or the space where all I’ve ever wanted is right before me, so much so that it’s gonna explode with the many doors that are opened!

Just waiting on me…

How bad do you want it?

Let’s find out ✨🧘🏾‍♀️

#heyyamanduh #onlyfans #coverstory #creativewriting

shine so bright that those who try to ignore you, get caught in the shade <3

I woke up with a renewed sense of purpose this morning. Today is going to be a better day because I've remembered my "Why".

I started this OnlyFans page to practice being vulnerable and sharing parts of myself openly, without ridicule, judgement, and hate. I know the stigma that comes with having an "Onlyfans Page" but I choose to challenge the status quo and be different. I do not subscribe to society and how they use Onlyfans.
I often go against the norm and flip the narrative because the truth is what "I" say. I'm the art, the artist and the buyer of my "life". I've already done life the "average" or "normal" way based off my socioeconomic profile on living the American Dream Program my public urban education afforded me.

In public school I understood my options before I graduated into high school and even then I knew my options had dwindled going into college because my circumstances outside of education did not change. As a poor kid from Chicago, raised in a single family home with 5 other siblings, my only way "out" was through making myself smarter. I chased higher education because the administration in my High School said higher learning lead to a better life, and I was good at school. They told us if we could get good test scores and grades we'd get into good colleges that will teach us how to get better jobs that will pay us enough to live better lives--we'd change our circumstances.

So, in my 17 year old head, I'm telling myself, cool, I just need to get a good ACT score, go to college, learn and apply, get the job, earn the money, then I won't be poor anymore? I could travel and see the world, get my own place, have nice things, send my Momma some money, and the shame, worry and anxiety will go away? That was my first "Why"--Why, did I go to college?

To escape being poor and to change my circumstances.

What I did not know was that it took money, to make money. It would take 10+ years to make the amount you'd need to take care of yourself, and your Momma after college, because price goes up. The price I was told in 2010 is not the same price in 2023. At the age of 27, I knew my circumstances and the price to get out of poverty could not keep up without some creative maneuvering detours around the American Dream.

I was talking to my friend yesterday and I told him, " the world ain't changing because we're not practicing how we want it to be." Meaning, if we want to see a world full of love and not hate, lets ALL practice that, show love, give grace, forgive and stay in our own lane. If we want better food options and choices, lets ALL learn gardening and bartering. Want better jobs? Create the job you want, and your community supports that business or barter your skills and talents. If we ALL start BEING the world we want to see, then the world will change, because we are changing, but change starts with You.

This OnlyFans page is dedicated to The Art of Putting Yourself First: Short Stories on Love written by Heyyamanduh.

How I changed. What I did. And what it looks like living the alternate American Dream.

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Yvonne said I need to come with a warning ⚠️ label.

And here’s why…

I’m sharp with my tongue and the way I use words. When my boundaries have been crossed. I expose elephants in the room by speaking the truth. It is what it is 🤷🏽‍♀️ doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings. I have to protect my peace.

My intention is to not cause harm, discomfort or pain.

My actions and words always have to match up and I’m requesting the same from my lover/partner.

Shame and guilt have no hold over me because I use acceptance and accountability to discern what’s serving me and what’s not. Again, it is what it is.

I’m not perfect, not better than the next person either…I just speak my mind and love with an open heart.

But..

Hurt people, hurt people—don’t forget that.

Get out the way of hurt people no matter how much you love them, love yourself first, then love them enough to speak the truth.

It all starts by knowing your worth.

Protect YOU at all costs 💜

#heyyamanduh #relationships #dating #love #art #psychology #blacklove #healing #mental #selflove #motivation #wellness #happiness #journey #awerness #accountability #lifecoach #mentor #creative #spirituality

I would love to do a photo shoot here! It’s giving self love and appreciation ✨🫶🏾📸

All I need is a camera, I am the light and the action 🥰🤸🏾‍♀️

New content loading 🤸🏾‍♀️✨😈

Heyyamanduh is a down to earth spiritual love experience. I share my time, talents and treasure with my community through economic empowerment and creative development. I care about humanity and making the world a better place for children. I show love through food and acts of service, everything I do is quality over quantity. I’m a multitalented ambitious goal setter because I love life.

New Content loading <3

How would you like love today?

life is difficult enough without the projections we receive from other people....
to me what that means is, I came into the world by myself; with my own emotions, personality, and dreams. As an infant, I didn't know what I wanted to be just that I was born to BE. I grew up in this world being influenced by it as it already was--the only "new" thing was me. I was asked by Yvonne Livingston how was I going to leave something new in the world what is my mark? My reply was simple, I even shrugged my shoulders. I was content to die without leaving my mark on the world--it was natural for me to think it was normal for people to die without changing the world, without leaving their something "new". It's not something that's required.
I'll explain why I thought like this in my book, I'm going to need a few books honestly--its a long story. But, I truly didn't think it was anything bad and I didn't have to think too hard on it. Yvonne changed my mind. She looked at me, hands on the sides of her face, shaking her head--shocked. My response was so cavalier because I had no desire to leave or do anything for the world. I believed Amanda Armour couldn't do anything that would help or get enough notice to make a difference in the world--who was I?
"Amanda, you are not that important."
"Ain't nobody checking for you."
"Girl, ain't nobody worried about you..."
"Amanda, what are you doing with your life?"
"...make yourself relevant again.."
Whew..
That conversation with Yvonne changed everything, I remember telling her "No, I have no desires to leave my mark, I don't want children, I'm not attached to anything in this world. Infact, I can't wait for the world to end because honestly, it does--we need a do over." She kept asking why, but I summed it down to what I dream about. When she asked what I dream about, I told her I dream about my past lives and what it feels like to BE who I am, and that's more attractive, that's where I choose to be, not of this world.
Yvonne had a problem with that, and it was simple, she explained to me that I couldn't go to the other side leaving work here that needed to be done. I needed to activate my purpose and live it here in this world otherwise I'd just come back again. I had my own reservations at the time, but I'm with her when she's right. She told me what my name means and I put my purpose to the meaning of what I was called at my birth, what my creator put in me to giving to the living world--love. It's easier for me to believe that I have a divine purpose, other than I was a birth control baby, geez Yvonne.
Truth is, we live in a world of surveillance, literally and emotionally. As babies, we learn from watching, we're called sponges, and as Parents, we tell our children to do as I say and not as I do. We invent games that mimic behaviors like simon says, and euphemisms like monkey see, monkey do and call each other a copy cat, lol. Someone is always watching and I'm learning that how I get to BE is helpful to some people. I am teaching and learning as I grow towards the end of my timeline.
Showing love is hard and its work, but I believe we can do it. The events I'm planning is to spread this mission, it's literally a dream come true. I'm a dreamer and storyteller that also knows how to cook and bake. I'm here to share my experiences as I learn and transmute the message of love to the world, by showing how to do it--be presence.
The event this Sunday is made from love, this message is for persons that resonate with the mission. My hope is that these events get bigger because I'm not the only one with a story that can heal.

#heyyamanduh #explore #mentalhealth #spirituality #storytelling #healing

I need to smoke…

I’m mastering my levels of detachment to affection and what it is I want.

I think I found it, but it isn’t how I thought it would look??

Be comfortable being uncomfortable and ask GOD directly for guidance…

I told potential suitors not to fall in love bc the love I have is for myself and GOD first, they might get jealous.

More content coming soon,

Love y’all 🥰

Thanks for subscribing

This is the art of putting myself first. The last few months I’ve been mending an almost broken heart that if I allowed it, would’ve also broken my spirit.

I was mulling over who said what and how things ended—it became a part of this routine I created to keep myself grounded in depressing sadness. I reread old messages, looked at pictures and I’m my head I’d replay our scenes. I couldn’t believe I let myself like someone and I ended up hurt—there had to be a reason…

We hear the phrase, “hurt people, hurt people” and for me, the image that comes to mind is cheating, lying, sneaking around, being real deceptive to someone who cares for you. There’s also people who seek retribution after being in a relationship…sigh. Being in this world is wild enough, why add “hurt energy” into the pot for people to eat?

Enough is enough, I told myself one morning that shit was gonna be okay, better was coming into my life and I honestly had nothing to be sad over…Once you surrender to your situation and agree that shit got turned upside down…You literally start to change on the outside and that makes you feel better on the inside.

When you look good, you feel good, you do good, and good shit happens to you…

In this video, its the morning I accepted my broken heart, my gut and waist got more defined
Y’all have no idea what loving myself…my way…how that makes me feel…

I’ll call this next series The Art of Putting Myself First🫶🏾🥰

Heyyamanduh 💋